Lonely Abroad: Loneliness After Moving Away from India

The first few months abroad are busy. You're setting up a bank account, finding a flat, learning the bus routes, figuring out where to buy proper atta. Then the busy part ends. The weekends are quiet, the time difference means home is asleep when you want to talk, and you realise you don't have anyone nearby to call.

The WHO Commission on Social Connection reported in 2025 that about 1 in 6 people worldwide is affected by loneliness, and linked it to poorer health and earlier death. People who've just moved countries have lost most of their usual connections at once.

Why It Often Hits Months Later

Moving is stressful in stages. A review of research on migration and mental health by psychiatrist Dinesh Bhugra noted that migration is not a simple or straightforward process and can be very stressful, and that not every migrant goes through it the same way (Bhugra, 2004).

For many people, the early months run on novelty and adrenaline. The loneliness shows up later, when life becomes routine and the gap where friends and family used to be is easier to see. Festivals are often the hardest: Diwali in an office where nobody knows what it is, or Eid on a weekday.

The Dependent Spouse

Many Indians move abroad because their partner got the job. The partner has colleagues, a routine and a reason to be there. The spouse who followed may have left a career, may face limits on working depending on their visa, and may spend long days alone in a new city.

That imbalance can strain a marriage. The working partner feels guilty or defensive. The other feels invisible, and sometimes ashamed of feeling unhappy when the move was meant to be good news. Neither is the villain. Visa and work rules change, so check your host country's official immigration site rather than relying on forums.

If you're in this position, some things that help:

• treat building a life as your job for the first year: classes, volunteering, a course, a regular activity
• talk to your partner about the imbalance before resentment sets in
• keep one thing from your own career alive, even a small online project
• find other spouses in the same position; they often understand fastest

Students Abroad

Students face a different version: first time away from family, a new academic system, money worries and pressure to do well because the family has invested so much. Many don't tell parents they're struggling, because they don't want to worry them or seem ungrateful.

Most universities abroad have a counselling service for students, often free. If you're worried about who would find out, ask the service how confidentiality works before you start.

Time Zones and the Weekly Call Home

Calls home help, and they can also make loneliness worse. You spend half an hour saying everything's fine, then hang up and feel more alone. Parents may not understand why you're unhappy when you're "settled abroad".

Some things that make calls more useful:

• tell at least one person at home how it really is
• schedule calls at times when you're not exhausted
• keep some calls short and frequent instead of one long weekly report
• don't rely on home as your only connection

What Helps

• A routine with fixed points. A class on Tuesday, a run club on Saturday, the same café on Sunday morning. Regular faces build familiarity, which comes before friendship.
• Community beyond your own. Indian groups can be a lifeline, especially at festivals. Friends from other backgrounds help you feel at home in the place you actually live.
• One honest friend. One person you can be real with matters more than a large WhatsApp group.
• Say yes, even when it's awkward. Early invitations are a test run. Most people say yes to fewer than they should.
• Notice the patterns. A few lines each night about how you felt and what helped can show you what lifts the loneliness. Dandelion Reflect is a free-to-start private journal that works wherever you are.

When Loneliness Becomes Depression

Loneliness is a feeling. Depression is a health condition. They overlap, and one can lead to the other. See a doctor or therapist if, for more than two weeks:

• your mood is low most days
• you've lost interest in things you used to enjoy
• your sleep or appetite has changed a lot
• you feel hopeless or worthless
• you've had thoughts of not wanting to be alive

If you're in danger, call your local emergency number or crisis line straight away. Tele-MANAS (14416 or 1-800-891-4416) is free and 24x7 when you're in India. For what depression treatment involves, see depression therapy online.

Therapy With Someone From Home

Many NRIs find it easier to talk to a therapist who understands Indian families without needing it explained: the guilt about leaving parents, the pressure to succeed, the questions about marriage. Online therapy with an Indian therapist makes that possible from anywhere, with session times that fit your time zone.

One thing to know: a therapist based in India isn't licensed in your host country. For a crisis, medication or a formal diagnosis abroad, you'll need local services too. The guide to finding an Indian therapist from abroad covers how this works, and there are country pages for NRIs in the USA, the UK and the UAE.

If you're thinking about moving back, moving back to India covers the other side of the journey. And if the move has also strained your relationship, feeling lonely in your marriage may help.

Dandelion Psychotherapy works online with Indians living abroad. You can start with a free 15-minute intro call.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to feel lonely after moving abroad?

Yes. Moving countries means losing most of your everyday connections at once. Many people feel it most a few months after the move, once the practical tasks are done and life becomes routine.

How long does loneliness last after moving abroad?

It varies. For many people it eases over the first year or two as routines and friendships form. If it's getting worse instead of better, or has turned into low mood most days, talk to a doctor or therapist.

I'm on a dependent visa and feel isolated. What can I do?

Treat building your own life as a priority: classes, volunteering, courses, regular activities, and other spouses in the same position. Talk to your partner about the imbalance early. Check your host country's official immigration website for what your visa allows.

Can I see an Indian therapist online while living abroad?

Yes, many NRIs do. Keep in mind that a therapist based in India isn't licensed in your host country, so for crisis care, medication or formal diagnosis you'll need local services as well.

How do I make friends in a new country as an adult?

Repeated contact helps most. Join something that meets regularly, go every week, and say yes to invitations even when you're tired. Mix your own community with people from other backgrounds.

Sources

• Bhugra D. Migration and mental health. Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica. 2004;109(4):243-258.
• World Health Organization. Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death. News release, 30 June 2025.